Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
