'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
