Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
