what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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