i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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