I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
