Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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