i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
