Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
