I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
