I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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