my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
