i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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