i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
