Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
