Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
