He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
