i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
