Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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