Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
