piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
