just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
