im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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