I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
