Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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