Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
