I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
