If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All the doctor said was why
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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