I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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