Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
