I need to stop coming to work sober
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
