She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
