I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
