His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
