I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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