with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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