hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there is glitter all over my balls
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