since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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