dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
