ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
