alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
