Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
