so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
