How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
