i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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