in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
