I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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