im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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