I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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