Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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