No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
